Helping kids handle big feelings

Preschoolers are constantly bumping into new feelings they don't quite have the words for yet. We aren't trying to stop them from being sad or angry; we're just trying to give them a way to handle those moments without melting down.

Music works because kids are already wired for it. HeadStart.gov points out that rhythm helps children express themselves and settle down when they're wound up. It's a tool they actually enjoy using.

This isn’t about "fixing’ anything. It"s about building a strong foundation of emotional intelligence – the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in oneself and others. Songs can provide a safe and playful way to explore these concepts, helping children develop resilience and coping skills that will serve them well throughout their lives. We're aiming for proactive wellbeing, not just reacting to difficult moments.

The songs we'll explore aren’t just pleasant tunes; they are opportunities for connection, learning, and emotional growth. They provide a language for feelings that young children may not yet have the words to express. They can be a source of comfort, a catalyst for conversation, and a pathway to greater self-awareness.

Preschoolers singing & learning emotional intelligence through music

12 songs for the classroom or home

Here are 12 songs specifically chosen to support emotional intelligence in preschoolers. I’ve included details on how each song can be used to nurture emotional growth, going beyond simply stating they are 'calming' or 'happy'.

1. “If You’re Happy and You Know It” – Traditional. This classic song encourages children to identify and express a basic emotion – happiness. The repetitive nature and call-and-response format make it engaging and accessible. It allows kids to physically demonstrate their understanding of the emotion, linking feeling with action. You can find numerous versions on YouTube.

2. “Breathe” – Songs for Social Emotional Learning. This song, available on YouTube, is specifically designed for self-regulation. It guides children through simple breathing exercises, teaching them a valuable technique for calming down when they’re feeling overwhelmed. The slow tempo and gentle melody reinforce the feeling of peace. It’s a direct tool for managing anxiety.

3. “Everybody Has Feelings” – The Kiboomers. The Kiboomers are well-known for their educational preschool songs, and this one is no exception. It explicitly names a variety of emotions – happy, sad, angry, scared – and normalizes the fact that everyone experiences them. This is a great starting point for conversations about feelings. Find it on YouTube.

4. “What Do You Want to Be?” – Sesame Street. While seemingly about career aspirations, this song subtly addresses emotional expression. Choosing a future role often connects to what makes a child feel good or fulfilled. It encourages self-reflection and helps children identify their passions and interests. Available on YouTube.

5. “I Can Calm Myself” – Bounce Patrol. Bounce Patrol creates upbeat and engaging content for kids. This song focuses on self-soothing techniques, like taking deep breaths or counting to ten. The song's energy is positive, framing self-regulation as an empowering skill. It's available on YouTube.

6. “Colors of My Heart” – Elizabeth Mitchell. This song uses colors to represent different emotions. It’s a beautiful and poetic way to help children connect feelings with physical sensations and imagery. The gentle melody and Mitchell’s soothing voice create a calming atmosphere. You can find it on Spotify and Apple Music.

7. “Mental Health Song” – Classroom Songs. This song directly addresses mental health in a way that's accessible for young children. It emphasizes that it's okay to ask for help and that everyone deserves to feel good. It’s a valuable tool for opening up conversations about emotional wellbeing. It’s available on YouTube.

8. “Kindness Counts” – Patty Shukla. Patty Shukla creates songs focused on character development. This song promotes empathy and kindness, encouraging children to consider the feelings of others. It's a good way to introduce concepts like compassion and respect. You can find it on YouTube.

9. “When I Feel Sad” – Sesame Street. Part of Sesame Street's emotional learning series, this song acknowledges sadness as a valid emotion and offers healthy ways to cope with it. It encourages children to talk about their feelings and seek support from trusted adults. Available on YouTube.

10. “Thank You” – Traditional. Expressing gratitude is linked to increased happiness and wellbeing. This simple song encourages children to acknowledge the good things in their lives and show appreciation to others. It’s a lovely way to foster a positive mindset. Many versions can be found on YouTube.

11. “The Feelings Song” – Cocomelon. Cocomelon’s bright animation and catchy tunes are popular with preschoolers. This song, available on YouTube, is a cheerful introduction to a range of emotions, using simple language and relatable scenarios. It's a fun way to start a conversation about feelings.

12. “I Like Myself!” – Laurie Berkner Band. This song promotes self-acceptance and self-love. It encourages children to appreciate their unique qualities and feel good about who they are. This is an important message for building self-esteem and resilience. You can find this song on Spotify and Apple Music.

Activities to try with the music

Simply listening to these songs is a great start, but you can deepen the learning experience with a few simple activities. Focusing on a smaller number of songs with more detailed activities is more beneficial than a long list of vague suggestions.

“Breathe”: After listening to “Breathe,” have children lie down with their eyes closed and practice the breathing exercises along with the song. You can also ask them to draw how the song makes them feel – what colors, shapes, or images come to mind when they’re listening? This connects the song to their personal experience.

“Everybody Has Feelings”: After listening to this song, create "feeling faces’ using art supplies. Encourage children to draw or create faces that express different emotions. Then, have them share their faces and talk about times they"ve felt those emotions. This reinforces emotional vocabulary and helps them recognize feelings in themselves and others.

“Kindness Counts”: After listening, challenge children to come up with acts of kindness they can do for others. Create a "kindness chart" where they can track their acts of kindness throughout the week. This turns the song into a call to action and promotes prosocial behavior.

Feelings Check-In with 'If You're Happy and You Know It'

1
Introduce the Song

Begin by telling the children you’re going to sing a song about feelings. Explain that songs can help us understand how we and others might be feeling. Introduce 'If You're Happy and You Know It' as a song that shows different emotions.

2
Sing the 'Happy' Verse

Sing the first verse of the song: 'If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!' Encourage the children to clap along if they are feeling happy. Emphasize that it's okay to feel happy and show it.

3
Introduce Other Feelings

Sing verses for other feelings: 'If you're sad and you know it, stomp your feet!' or 'If you're angry and you know it, stomp your feet!' (adjusting the action to something safe and appropriate). After each verse, briefly discuss what that feeling might look like or when someone might feel that way.

4
Pause and Ask: 'How are *you* feeling?'

After singing a verse about a specific emotion (like sadness), pause the song. Ask the children, 'How are you feeling right now? Do you feel happy? Sad? Angry?'. Let each child share, if they want to. It's important to emphasize that it's okay not to share if they don’t feel comfortable.

5
Validate Their Feelings

When a child shares a feeling, validate it. For example, say 'It's okay to feel sad sometimes' or 'It's good that you can tell me you're feeling angry.' Avoid dismissing their feelings or telling them they shouldn't feel a certain way.

6
Continue Singing and Checking In

Continue singing the song, pausing after each verse to check in with the children. Encourage them to identify the feeling in the song and then share if they are experiencing that feeling themselves. Keep the atmosphere light and supportive.

7
Wrap Up and Reiterate

At the end of the song, reiterate that all feelings are okay. Remind the children that it's important to talk about their feelings and that you are always there to listen. You can also suggest other ways to express feelings, like drawing or playing.

Adapting Songs for Different Needs

Every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. It’s important to be flexible and adapt the songs to suit individual needs. A child who is feeling particularly anxious might benefit from a slower tempo or a quieter volume.

For children who are kinesthetic learners, add actions to the songs. For example, you could have them clap their hands during happy parts or hug themselves during calming parts. This engages their bodies and helps them connect with the music on a deeper level.

If a child becomes upset while listening to a song, that's okay. It’s an opportunity to validate their feelings and provide support. Don’t stop the song immediately; instead, acknowledge their emotions and offer comfort. You might say, “I see you’re feeling sad. That’s okay to feel sad.” Normalizing big feelings is key.

Be mindful of sensory sensitivities. Some children may be overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights. Create a calm and comfortable environment where they can listen to the songs without feeling overstimulated.

Fitting music into the day

You don’t need to schedule a formal "music time" to incorporate these songs into your day. Seamlessly weaving them into existing routines is often the most effective approach.

Play a calming song during transitions, like when moving from playtime to cleanup time. Use an upbeat song to signal the start of a new activity. Play a gratitude song before snack time to encourage appreciation.

Consider creating a "calm down corner" in your home or classroom. This could be a cozy space with pillows, blankets, and access to these calming songs. It provides a safe and supportive environment for children to regulate their emotions.

Remember, it doesn’t have to be a big production. Sometimes, simply playing a song in the background can create a more peaceful and supportive atmosphere.

Creating a Calm Space for Emotional Regulation

  • Designate a specific area for calm-down breaks. This should be separate from regular play areas to signal a change in activity.
  • Provide comfortable seating options such as beanbags, cushions, or a small rug. Comfort encourages relaxation.
  • Adjust the lighting to be soft and subdued. Dimming the lights or using lamps can create a more peaceful atmosphere.
  • Create a calming music playlist, including songs from the '12 Calming Melodies' article, to help regulate emotions.
  • Offer a variety of sensory tools like stress balls, fidget toys, or textured materials to provide tactile stimulation.
  • Include books about feelings and emotional intelligence in the calm space to support discussion and understanding.
  • Display visual cues, such as a feelings chart, to help children identify and communicate their emotions.
You've successfully created a calm and supportive space to help preschoolers develop emotional intelligence and coping skills!

A note for parents and teachers

Supporting children’s emotional health can be demanding work. It’s easy to get caught up in caring for others and forget to prioritize your own wellbeing. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

These songs aren’t just for children; they can be helpful for adults too! Use them to manage your own stress and model healthy emotional regulation for the children in your care. Take a few minutes each day to listen to a calming song and practice deep breathing.

Resources like Mindful.org offer guided meditations and mindfulness exercises for adults. Prioritizing your own mental health is essential for being the best possible parent or teacher.

Mental Health Songs FAQ